On Chronicles from Abroad

Hii Kenya Sihami Ng'oo!!!

"Hii Kenya sihami!" The phrase writes itself. The words that willingly drop out of your mouth amidst the roars of typical Kenyan laughter upon seeing the masterpiece that is Kenyan humour on the net. The Kenyan laughter that sends you sprawling onto the floor with tears in your eyes, the one that wills your fingers to press and click "Share" because you cannot bear the pains in your ribs alone- be it the unbelievable collection of mafuta-related works or the new wave of campus fresher chronicles, there is never a dull day. Do we ever think about how life goes on outside these borders... outside a home so caught up in itself-using humour as its blanket, cloak and shield and as a way to survive...if you think about it...?

Leaving was by no means an easy choice- we all dream of the greener pastures in the famed high places far abroad- a land of milk and honey- Canaan- The world that made us believe true love was as simple as bumping into a cute girl in the school hallway, and looking into her deep blue eyes as you both got up from picking the books from the floor- (and some of us still live their days waiting for this moment) - The world that made us believe in the cute innocent girl devoted to her Principles while we find ours jamming to Ethic Entertainment- The world that led us to believe everything has a happy ending.

When you board the plane there is a feeling of class, of accomplishment, of your problems leaving your innocent body and falling back into that "accursed" land called Kenya that you are leaving- you get high. In fact the seats are not as they were before, the last time you boarded a flight( granted, it was only to Mombasa, which is the only flight I can talk about, but it was a flight nonetheless)- This time, there are screens upon the back...displaying everything from hot cinema releases to the latest music albums to a personalized GPS-enabled point-to-point itinerary throughout the journey( Do not ask me what this is as if I flew out to do engineering or software) Now already the feeling of foreigness begins to set in even before you land on foreign soil- You soon realise you do not know how to navigate through this "free" plane-provided Netflix ( you won't consider it free if you manage to spot the ticket price on your boarding pass) Everyone is sat back into their reclined seats ( you don't know how to recline seats either) and either snoozed out or catching up with the latest Grownish episodes while you contend with a feeling akin to that of a music student in an Engineering classroom. Of course, you eventually have to ask since you cannot possibly sleep out an 8-hour flight without making your money count- it's just the Kenyan way. However, the stage is already set for massive foreign shock.

As soon as you land the first thing that hits you is the colour- strange- grey- as if life just got serious. The airport reminds you of the brilliant terrorist conspiracy action scenes in the movies. Photos might be in order but you have more important issues to deal with- contact the person supposed to pick you up. You take out your phone for the first time in this new land- perhaps foolishly hoping it looks different - but the lock screen does- you smile as for the first time, the name of the unscrupulous thief you have been contending with ever since you were old enough to own that 2000kshs "Kabambe" phone, has been erased. In place of 'Safaricom' is now 'SFR- Service Francaise'. The Wi-Fi is free, as expected, but on calling this contact, there is a certain hurdle that has presented itself. I have to get myself to my destination. he cannot pick me up. You know realise it is up to you to put to test what those mamas taught you in that French classroom in high school. Life just got serious...


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