On a Broken Heart
Didn't the love that I had for you deserve to be reciprocated?
You were my first real lover. My love for you was unmeasured. I could literally do anything within my reach for you. I've never loved someone so much, not even my parents.
Yet, you still left me; You broke my heart into a million pieces, And left me all by myself to recollect them back. You gave no real reason for your leaving, Only mere excuses did yee give unto me;
- I don't think this is working for me.
- I fucked this up.
You said. You initially had said that you wanted a long-term relationship, that you were here to stay. For that reason, I gave my whole self to you. I gave me to you. I invested in the relationship, our relationship, fully; emotionally and mentally.
You were the eagle, with wings and an ability to fly so high above the ground, and I was like a tortoise, no wings; just a fragile shell to hold onto. We flew to such high heights - out of earth's vicinity I would say. Then you let go of my hand. I had nowhere to dig my nails and fingers on so I could at least hang on and save myself. There wasn't a huge, high-density mattress on the ground on which I could land on. And down I came. Swiftly. Then boom! My shell wasn't a shell anymore but rather resembled well-pound posho mill flour. And my small world shuttered completely. Completely! Darkness prevailed.
I had been thinking that I was strong all along. Little did I know about the contents of a heartbreak. I couldn't get the thought of you out my mind. I yearned for you. I yearned for your love. I yearned for us. But all in vain. It was so sad. (needless to say, it's still sad as I write this.) Then sleepless nights dawned on me. Unending tears on my bed. Mood swings tormented me. They still do. And one of the things I'm yet to figure out is: are these mood swings normal for me or did they come as a result of your leaving? Because as far as I can remember, I didn't have any mood swings before you left. Though they were there before you came into my life...but not this intense.
Since you left, I've just been lost in my own world. I was desperate at first for you to come back to me. But then I realized you wouldn't.
Don't you think we can work this out?" I asked.
"I don't think I can," was your answer.
I just sunk into my own world, a world where there's no dictionary with the word 'happiness', coz anyway, did I have my happiness anymore? It's a world of depression. You meant everything to me. Literally everything! I did love you so much, but you still left. Then the million-dollar question which crosses my mind each and every day remains unanswered: Why did you leave me?
Did I do anything wrong? Do I lack something that without it I can't be loved? Did you get someone better? I remember I asked you this and you laughed sarcastically and told me that I wouldn't believe it when you said that you had no guy at bay. Didn't the love that I had for you deserve to be reciprocated? Or did you just tell me that you loved me all along for formality? To suit your own selfish needs?
Your leaving made me think that I wasn't worth anything. In fact, I did feel that I was worth nothing. I'm always envious of my friends' relationships that seem to be thriving at a neck breaking speed.
And the question that I ask myself is, can't you come back? Yes, I still do love you. Not that I haven't tried forgetting all about you. I've tried. Only that I failed terribly. Are you still single? Can you come back to me? There's a hole deep inside my heart. You are the perfect piece of art to fill it. Why don't you come back? Why?
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