On Being HURT
And that hurt like hell. I saw the man I spent my entire life trying to show my non-ending love Touching and loving another,
I know that I promised never to write to you again,
It beats me why I am.
I just hold my pen,
And words keep toppling out,
And I can't contain them,
They drown me in them,
Sucking me dry,
I know that by now you're not so fond of my non-ending words
but just hear me out.
Because I can't promise this will be my last
When words fail me,
And you fade away,
My letters will stop piling on your front door,
I remember the last time you wrote back,
Well, the only time you wrote back,
And you couldn't help but say
that I am just a crazy girl in love
And each letter meant obsession,
A proof that I couldn't take a new breath without you,
That I couldn't get out of this maze you had me trapped in,
You were right...
Because thinking that I could let you go
was an illusion formed at the insanity of my mind.
I really miss you.
I miss you.
I can't stop sleeping in your T-shirts
Because that makes me know
That at least I have a part of you left with me.
My body reeks of your cologne,
My body misses your touch,
My skin misses your nails digging deeper in me,
As you come undone into me.
My screams dread calling out other names,
Because they don't make me feel like you do,
My eyes crave yours
Because through them,
I can see your soul,
Stretching out deep into you.
My mouth craves your icy tongue,
And your cool breath,
Because your kisses are soft, loft.
This is the eighteenth letter I am writing in a period of few months
I am not watering dead flowers,
But why the heck,
Would the arrows of love,
Strike one person,
But allow me to write my last one on my nineteenth birthday
Telling you how much I would have loved you to be around me,
To hug me from behind,
As I blow out those candles,
But the flames are turning out cold,
Just like I am.
I am sorry I can't stand you showing up at each party with your new girl,
That's why someone spills any sort of beverage on her,
At each party,
Because that someone,
I didn't tell you how much I fought myself,
Not to dig my nails into her pretty skin on the day,
I watched you hug her,
Kiss her lightly,
Take her bag to carry it for her,
And saw you two holding hands in town
Waltzing down the street,
Like birds in love.
And it looks like while the rest of us were moons,
She was a star.
Sorry...wait...like I was a moon,
And she was a star.
She was happy and smiling with you.
And that hurt like hell.
I saw the man I spent my entire life trying to show my non-ending love
Touching and loving another,
I saw the man I wanted to wake up with every day and kiss him good morning
Holding another's hand like it was the only thing he was bred on,
But I couldn't forget that it was the same man
who woke up one morning and kissed me goodbye,
Because I wasn't enough.
I'll tell you yet again of the many times I wanted to pull the trigger
And blow the damn frail heart that loves you so much
Because it was too tired to beat around the bush,
Looking for something that is lost.
I'll tell you of how it feels like to be zombie,
With no purpose,
Nothing to call its own,
But thirst for muscle relaxers,
I OD'd two weeks ago,
I overdosed on pills.
Yes, I am fragile,
I am really fragile,
I felt relieved with every attempt to end it,
I felt relieved reliving the reason all my glasses are shattered,
Because why would I be alive,
When I lost the reason why my heart ticks,
When I have lost the reason why my lifeline,
Has, you know...life.
It makes me question if you really deserve it,
You know, all this effort,
But if only that bullet can bring you back to me,
I'd take that gun,
And I wouldn't
be afraid to fire.
Written while listening to Hurt by Assylum Entertainment