Because You Won't Stay

So please don't ask me to open up, Because I am used to being by myself, Because I know you won't stay, Like I want you to.

I never knew how to let people in,

Sometimes, it came with just a snap,

Like we click, and I can't help but let you know who I am,

To some, I just cowered my feelings away,

And in as much I don't want to,

I hid,

To some, I was just a happy face,

With a phase as bright as the moon,

With nothing called sadness, to their eyes you see,

Some bite and crawl, all over,

Asking to be let in,

Okay,

Yes,

Maybe I'll break that shell,

And start opening up,

You'll help for a week or two,

And I'll feel close to you,

Since I don't have anyone,

I'll get too attached,

I'll draw out my plans out with you,

And you with mine,

I'll fuck wit'chu on a whole new level,

We count the stars and watch the sunsets together,

We'll make plans and bucket lists,

We'll do parties and occasional drinks,

Maybe a blunt here or there,

Then I'll let you know who I really am,

I'll show you my insides,

I'll explain each scar,

How I got it,

Why I got it,

When I did,

I'll detail how much the world hurt me,

I'll tell you that you are a rose,

You'll tell me that I'm a dandelion,

Because people use me as they wish,

Daggers and knives planted on my back,

And tears and blood and sweat, flows out from me,

Pain and rejection are a norm,

But deep down I'll know

That for a wish,

I must be plucked,

Mostly because I am dying inside

And it's a life for a life,

You'll start by saying,

How upset you are with the world,

After finding out how depressed I am,

And that you'll get me help

And how you'll hug me,

And how you'll never leave,

That I'm your own,

You'll make me empty promises,

And act like you care,

While deep down you know you don't,

You'll pretend like you always got me,

While deep down you already gave up,

Sigh...

Brings tears to my eyes just to think about it,

I'll start to withdraw,

Slowly,

Retracting to a new darker closet,

And I'll learn that I can't tell you those things anymore,

And you'll stop asking,

Probably because when I tell you,

You won't have any comforting words,

You won't have any hug left,

Because I'm like a plague,

And it's contagious,

We'll grow distant eventually,

And I'll hate myself for letting out a shard of me,

To you,

And you won't realize that I'll try to take the pills,

Or tie the knot,

Or slit my wrists,

You won't realize that I'll try to kill myself again,

We'll still talk,

Once in a while,

But there will always be that awkwardness,

Moments of silence,

Breaks in sentences,

Periods in progression,

Because you gave up,

Because everyone does in the end,

And trust me,

You were never the first,

Because all my closet friends,

Become far away figures,

And you are left with the fucked-up emotions,

That you don't have an idea on how to cope up with,

Everyone gives up,

Believe me, I give up on me sometimes

Wait,

No....maybe all the time,

And I can't help it,

So please don't ask me to open up,

Because I am used to being by myself,

Because I know you won't stay,

Like I want you to.

Because you won't stay.

Written while listening to Only You by Cheat Codes feat. Little Mix and New Rules by Dua Lipa

Post Tags mental health suicide love