On Me Ol' Sad Life
When you get your own, Don't just be a parent, Because parents become strangers, Don't ignore raising them, Because who they become, Is who you are.
I don't want to take this blunt,
I don't want this gun,
I don't want to pop pills,
I don't want to hold a knife,
I don't want a lot of things
I don't want a lot of things,
I also don't want this pen,
Too much to handle
Too much expected
But I choose none
But I ain't falling in this bro,
You never have seen pain,
In all kinds of things,
Curses do exist right?
But am I one?
Happiness does exist somewhere,
But am I happy?
Does a twitch in my lips,Does a twitch in my lips,
Show no heartache?
I've made mistakes
Too much hit blunts
I'm rooted deep
So, I stand firm
I ain't choosing this side no more,
But all this pain,
All the hurt,
All the remorse
Made me write you this,
Heck...I don't even know what I am doing,
Am I even a poet?
Words have lost meaning
So, I write best of what I can scribble
Paths have lost direction
So, I rush my feet fast,
Fuck it, oops, sorry,
But I heard my mother cuss me out,
Just like that,
I get not what I'm saying
But I call it quits
I am a son to a fool who lost it all
At the expense of the bottle,
I am a child to a mother who couldn't fight,
At the expense of love,
A sibling to a child,
Deemed smarter than I ever could be,
I am the disappointment to the masses,
Who wanted a better version,
I was all fat and ugly,
Too plump, I blocked out their view,
To see the inner me,
Me ol' sad life,
Filled with broken mirrors,
And caskets full of memories,
Maybe six feet deep,
Is where they'll be safe,
I forgive you father,
For you knew not what you were doing,
All I wanted was to be a good son,
One whom you'd be proud of,
But I guess we had different dreams.
I pictured our family a success, a dream...
But I guess I forgot to walk you out of the frame,
As you spilled venom, and fire to the picture,
I forgive your comparison with the rest,
Because I probably was too dense,
That all I caught was graphite and pencils,
But all I could write was a blank page,
That I was stupid you were so right,
But how could I right?
When all my wrongs,
Were all that your eyes saw?
I've lived to write your wrongs
Maybe it was right for me to focus on that which you left not
You said he was better,
You said he was the good example
You forgot you held me no class
'Cause you were getting your dirty linen aired out in the drinking dens
And with each bottle I stole,
Because it made me freer than I ever had,
While others talked how their fathers were their light,
All I saw was darkness,
Not even a single twinkle in the night skies,
But now, how do I know who the light is,
While all I see is darkness?
Who art not...
I denounce you not...
Neither do I call unto you...
I fed too much on your absence,
I took no note of your presence,
I took the gun because you couldn't see me,
Only then would I feel like I belonged,
I tied the noose, and set it high up,
In a bid to catch my survival, unawares...
I took the knife because I wanted to slit,
Only then would I be free
I popped pills, stayed high,
Because being low,
Made me low.
Out of sight,
Out of mind,
You made me live a life outside my own self
You gave me no love
I fought myself to get some
I befriended pain
And only him, could I find comfort,
We were family
But I guess you were fabricated,
I was only a pawn to you,
And I am sorry I allowed my sacrifice,
To bring you all this glory,
So, whoever you are,
Child or grown,
When you get your own,
Don't just be a parent,
Don't ignore raising them,
Because who they become,
Is who you are,
I won't let mine,